


Difficult To Walk Away

by iamsonny_j



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamsonny_j/pseuds/iamsonny_j
Summary: Legolas and Aragorn are travelling up through Mirkwood on Legolas’s journey home after a long time spent away travelling and working throughout Middle Earth together. Feelings are discussed. Legolas gets hurt. Agreements on how to move forward are made.
Relationships: Aragorn | Estel & Legolas Greenleaf, Aragorn | Estel/Legolas Greenleaf
Kudos: 28





	Difficult To Walk Away

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is set about 10 to 15 years after TBOTFA and turned into mostly a sort of Legolas character study because I have been having so many feelings about this elf boy. It can probably be read as gen but in my mind it is a love story. With angst and whump and a very thinly veiled attempt at a plot.

The journey up through Mirkwood was long but not arduous. There were still parts of the vast forest that were very beautiful. Legolas always took a few moments to reflect on this; he had spent much of the past few years doing everything in his power to be beyond the forest boundaries. Meeting Aragorn had made this easier; he needed only the barest of excuses to join him on his adventures. 

Their many days of travel so far had been a gift, through Gondor and the forests of Ithilien, a reconnaissance with the rangers, and their departure weeks later. Now they were days deep into Mirkwood. As soon as they reached the borders of his ada’s realm, their time together would be over, possibly for many seasons or more. The blink of an eye for an elf, but long enough for a mortal to find better delights in the world of men. 

It was always the same, returning home, and Legolas felt lost in the smothering feeling of melancholy that took over him. It was so far from the more positive outlook he had been committed to focussing on in these most recent years. It was still sometimes an elusive challenge.

How he wished it were different and he could look on the weeks he had enjoyed at Aragorn's side with a smile, but losing that companionship again for the near future weighed heavily on his heart.

"You are pensive today. What troubles you?" Aragorn asked after another of several long and concerned looks that Legolas had felt almost guilty for drawing on himself.

"In a few days I will arrive back at my home. Our paths may not cross again for many seasons."

"This has always been the way. But then time passes in but an instant - you know that. It will not be long before we journey together again."

The reassurance was soft and genuine but it did very little to help. 

Legolas stopped walking and waited for Aragorn to do the same. Now he wished he had used his time to gather his thoughts more wisely. It was always difficult to speak of his feelings. A deficit he felt for certain his nana never would have allowed. 

"And yet you cannot be sure," he replied when Aragorn had stepped back to join him, "I find my days in Mirkwood are no longer the comfort they once were as a child. 

"There is much here that is still fair," Aragorn tried, hopefully. 

"When you are here, that is true," Legolas said, turning his gaze away.

It was a risk of a thing to say, perhaps revealing too much, and when Aragorn did not respond Legolas looked back to him and found he had also turned away.

"There is not much that is fair about me," Aragorn said quietly, and then turned back to Legolas, "not when compared to the true beauty of elves."

Legolas found every possible reply stuck in his throat. Anything more he could say would reveal much more than he could bare. And he was well aware of Aragorn's insecurities. It had been difficult as a human to grow up among elves; Legolas did not need all the details to know this. 

Guilt gnawed at him sharply for now bringing down the mood between them which would better be used enjoying each others company in the time they had left. Legolas could tend his quietened heart later when left alone, it would be only a small hardship.

"Forgive me, my mood got away from me. I do not like who I am here. I was glad to move on,” he admitted quietly and realised Aragorn’s look of sympathy came from a place of understanding. 

"Legolas, you do not need to fear the past or yourself. You have grown far beyond the reaches of this forest. I see it everyday."

"I owe so much of that to you. We have had many good days and your company is something I value dearly. I am just sorry it will soon be over."

"As am I, but like I said, time will not keep us apart for long. You have my word on this."

Aragorn offered him a small smile that Legolas could not help but return. 

"As you have mine."

  
They set back to walking again, Legolas lighter on his feet now that some of the weight from his mind had lifted. He still felt a twinge of guilt whenever Aragorn looked to him from the corner of his eye, clearly checking his mood had not wandered again. But they made good pace and talk between them returned to brighter things like the arrival of spring in the north and Aragorn's enthusiasm to be heading back there after so long in the south. 

A ranger could adapt to anywhere, but there was no place like home terrain. As much as Legolas resented parts of Mirkwood it would always still be his home and he was nowhere more comfortable than in the embrace of its forests.

They stopped and made camp when the light started to get too low to continue. It was not much, but both were used to resting in rougher conditions, and Legolas was able to take watch for most of the night so that Aragorn could rest easily.

The night was relatively uneventful. Legolas took his watch from a point midway up a tree, hidden in its branches, seemingly able to keep both eyes on Aragorn and the surrounding area at any given moment. But all was quiet, until the first light of the morning broke through the thickness of the forest and Legolas watched, at a distance nine dirty, greasy orcs came to rest in a clearing.

Legolas watched them in silence until the sun was almost fully risen and Aragorn started to stir from his sleep on the ground below him. 

He jumped down silently from his resting place in the branches, just as Aragorn was about to get up.

"Be still. They do not approach. We may be able to divert east around them." 

“Or we could send them on their way.” 

"Why would you kick a nest of bees that slumbers?”

"Because they will track us when they wake and we will not have the advantage as we do now." 

"The orcs often drift northwards. An annoyance more than a threat,” Legolas could see what Aragorn was doing; the mischief in his eyes, trying to distract him from his melancholia of the previous day. And it was working. "They are many. We are few. It would be wiser to wait for a patrol. They like the practice."

"Are you scared?" Aragorn teased.

"Only for you and your actions that seem to always lead us into trouble."

"And do I not always get us out of it in the end?"

Legolas sighed, but he had to try hard to hide his smile.

"Have it your way then, but I reserve the right to say I told you so.”

“And I respect that.”

They moved quickly after that and almost perfectly together - unwavering trust and a knowledge of the other’s style of fighting, built over a decade of friendship, carrying them easily into the battle.

Aragorn was fierce and capable, and attacked the orcs as if he truly had no fear. Legolas quickly brought down two of the orcs before two of the others turned their attention on him. This left five in range of Aragorn, but Legolas did not have time to worry before he was drawing his knives and fighting hand to hand with the first orc to reach him.

He slit its throat, and spared a quick glance in Aragorn’s direction to see just four of the orcs now standing, before he nocked another arrow to this bow and released it and another straight into the eye and heart of the second orc that was pursuing him.

Legolas had just a moment to get his bearings, but it was enough. He needed to draw at least another two away from Aragorn, who was fighting valiantly against odds against him. Then the archer on the edge of the skirmish fancied his chances at getting in a clean shot without taking out one of his own. 

Aragorn had not seen him, too focussed on the three within his reach, and Legolas had no time to shout a warning. He nocked an arrow and released it at a record speed, piercing the orc skull and causing it to send its own arrow off into the trees. Legolas drew another arrow from his quiver and prepared to take a shot at one of the remaining orcs...

Pain gripped him, racing up through his side like lightning, a deep burning agony, but his instinct told him to react to the threat rather than the wound - he swung back his elbow into the orcs throat and then hit him with a heavy blow of his bow. It was enough to knock the orc off balance long enough for Legolas to draw his blades and plunge them deep into its flesh. 

It collapsed, gurgling bloody half formed threats until it quickly bled out.

Legolas had no time to examine his own wound, and through the adrenaline he could barely feel it. His attention quickly focussed back on Aragorn as he shouted for assistance as the three remaining orcs on him went mad with their anger and desperation for blood. Legolas nocked another arrow and took out one of them, closely followed by the second. The third one Aragorn dealt with, swiftly striking it through as it turned its stare onto Legolas.

And the fight was over. Almost as quickly as it had begun. Silence fell over their small section of the forest, apart from the slightly heavier than normal sounds of his breath. Be it not for the bodies, nobody would know what had just occurred. 

But Legolas felt rattled. He kept his distance and watched Aragorn wipe the sweat from his brow and blood from his sword. Their actions were reckless and they were lucky with their victory. 

When he turned to retrieve his blades, pain shot through him. He gently and discreetly touched his fingers to the wound at his side. They came away bloody but not enough as to cause great concern. He wiped off his hand and started to make his way down the gentle bank, as gracefully as he was able while rearranging his cloak to hide the injury.

It would be fine. There was no need to cause unnecessary concern, especially when he had already caused much of it for Aragorn already in the past days.

It was an unforgivable error. And so near to the realm of his ada’s scrutiny too. He should have seen the attack coming. He should have been better focussed. How would anyone think him a capable leader if just a year away from the Mirkwood had seen his awareness of its ways slip so easily? 

He could treat the wound later, when he could have a moment to himself. He focussed away from the pain and marched over to Aragorn, who had sheathed his sword and was waiting for Legolas with his arms crossed and far to sure a look on his face. 

“Well, I think you would be wrong not to admit that was a greater challenge than you imagined,” Legolas said, stopping just a few feet in front of him. 

“They were well prepared, but it turned out well and you have a success to report to Thranduil on your return.”

“He will care very little. You forget this is normal for these parts.”

“We should move the bodies off the main track. It is unlikely but we would do well not to give a reason to attract any more attention to our path.”

“Do I need to remind you that there was no attention on us until you thought it a good idea to start throwing rocks at sleeping dragons?”

“Or sleeping orcs,” Aragorn smiled. Legolas resisted sighing, with a lot of effort, but he still found it in him to return the smile.

They managed to drag the bodies to cover but it was an arduous task and when they were finished Legolas was very much aware of the pain in his side. He touched his fingers to it again and it was hot to the touch and was bleeding now more steadily. He almost felt off balance, which was not right for an elf.

“Is everything okay?” Aragorn asked, as he caught sight of Legolas looking at the blood on his fingers. 

“Of course. I am just tired from the fight. It is a challenge making sure you do not do anything stupid enough to get yourself killed,” he tried to jest, but it was difficult when his legs felt like they were no longer on solid ground and his vision was starting to blur around the edges.

“Legolas,” Aragorn warned, and then caught him by the shoulders when he stumbled backwards as he tried to step away as Aragorn moved into his space. “You are hurt. Show me.”

“It is nothing.”

“Then you will not mind if I check it for myself, for my own peace of mind.”

Legolas did not protest when Aragorn undid the bindings of his tunic and pulled it open, before cutting away at his undershirt to reveal the stab wound that was now inflamed and bleeding dark partially clotted blood, as if it was resisting all physiological efforts to heal. 

“Legolas, this is no small wound,” he said quietly, concern clear in his voice.

“No. A blade. When I was too busy watching you to make sure you were doing nothing foolish…” And then he slumped slowly in Aragorn’s arms as consciousness left him. 

  
Awareness returned to Legolas slowly and not all at once. Sleep took him several times again before he truly regained consciousness. To start with he was unaware of where he was or what had led him to be in this position. It felt like he was waiting for a fog to lift from his mind.

A hand squeezed his own and he looked to his left.

"Estel?"

"You haven't used that name for me for a long time, mellon nin."

Legolas closed his eyes again and tried to piece back together events that had got him to this point. His low mood, the battle with the orcs, fear for Aragorn, the orc blade in his side…

“I do not understand. What happened?”

"The blade was poisoned. Thank your elf blood that you remain among the living."

Aragorn spoke clearly the facts, but Legolas could see fear still lingering behind his eyes, in the crease of his brow. He was shaken, but trying to hide it well, and Legolas felt the heavy weight of guilt on his shoulders.

"I should have been more careful,” he said, quietly, “It will not happen again.”

He pushed himself to stand and only wobbled slightly on his feet. Aragorn placed his hands on his shoulders to steady him, though it was unnecessary. The poison had no doubt mostly left him now and it would be easy to walk off its last effects. 

"There is no hurry. We can rest for a while until you are fully healed."

"I am already fine,” he was only frustrated with himself and for being a burden because of such a small injury from his own carelessness, “it is important that we keep going as planned. I can assure you word would already have reached my ada that we are on our way. Delaying further would only cause more scrutiny"

"Thranduil will not judge you for this."

"He has judged me for less,” Legolas replied, grabbing his bow and quiver from where it rested against a tree. Aragorn reached out and caught his shoulder to stop him from walking away. 

"At least a few more minutes just to allow me to check the wound has healed."

"It has. Do you not trust me?"

"You know I do. With my life,” Legolas did not miss the note of hurt in Aragorn’s voice or the way his hand drew back slowly from his shoulder. He felt awful and not for the remaining effects of the poison in his body, “I am just worried for you, that is all."

Of course Aragorn would worry just as much for him as he did for Aragorn. How quickly being back in Mirkwood encouraged the feeling of isolation and discontent to grow in his heart. It was already blinding him, unnoticed, to those things that were most dear to him now.

"Forgive me,” he locked eyes with Aragorn, “I am upset at myself, not at you.”

"I know."

“I am sorry I caused you to worry and I am grateful that it is you that were here to take care of me.”

“You are always welcome, Legolas. Now, can I please check to make sure everything has healed as it should have?”

Legolas nodded and pulled aside his tunic and allowed Aragorn to examine the wound. It had healed well - all that remained was some redness, but it would not scar - although it was still tender to the touch, and Legolas chose to focus on the soothing coolness of Aragorn's fingers against his skin. 

It amazed him how such a proficient and fierce warrior could also be so gentle. That is what made Aragorn special; his gentleness and kindness were never diminished due to his skills with a weapon. He possessed all the qualities of a selfless and noble leader. Much more so than Legolas ever would...

He would happily give up any idea of that future to follow Aragorn anywhere. 

That thought was not new to him. It had been on his mind for some time, even before they entered Mirkwood again to start his long trek home. Maybe it should scare him more than it did, but he felt calm in his certainty. 

The only distress came when he realised it could not yet be a reality. The worlds of elves and men were still far apart. They both had their own responsibilities. But one day he would find a way to balance his love for Aragorn and his commitment to Mirkwood.

"Legolas, I said you can fasten your tunics now."

Legolas pulled himself from his thoughts and set himself right. Aragorn was watching him with concern again.

"Are you sure you are well?"

"Yes, sorry, I was far away."

Aragorn hummed in agreement, but he also seemed to be far away in his thoughts. Legolas watched him stand still and pensive while he refitted the belts of his quiver and bow, until Aragorn turned eyes on him again. He seemed uncertain.

"If this is still about our impending separation then know that while I might not show it as clearly, I do feel it as keenly as you. I am not looking forward to saying goodbye."

Legolas did not expect so clear an admission. They both often played the most vulnerable thoughts of their hearts very close, even if they were obvious to see. It was always for the best. 

“You think you hide it well, but I know you better than that, Aragorn. I see it in your eyes. It is what makes it so difficult to walk away.”

“Things that are worth having are rarely easy.”

“You are right,” Legolas paused to consider his own words carefully. He would be risking much by speaking too boldly, but it would also be possibly many seasons before he would get the chance to again. There were times when it was right to throw caution away, “I would follow you anywhere, just give me the word, that is the commitment I make to you now.”

“I could not ask that of you.”

“You are not asking, and I am not offering. I am telling you how it will be.”

Aragorn considered this for a moment. Legolas could imagine the many reasons he would come up with to deny him, but he waited patiently.

“And if I cannot offer the same to you?”

“I know that is the case, or I guessed it would be, which is why I made the commitment first. _I_ will follow _you_ ,” Legolas emphasised, “And knowing that, on your word, we will meet again soon, I will have hope to see me through the coming seasons in Mirkwood.”

“You know very well that I feel I do not deserve the depth of loyalty you show me. I will never be able to live up to it. Look at the situation just today; how my recklessness put you in danger.”

“It was unfortunate and I should have been better focussed. It was my mistake,” Legolas reassured him, “And, as you so often like to remind me, experience helps us to grow into the best of ourselves. You have already helped me to grow so much; you should permit yourself the same space to do the same.”

“I was scared I would lose you today,” Aragorn said, softly.

Legolas took a few steps toward him and into his space. Aragorn’s emotions were closely guarded behind a veil of uncertainty and...doubt. Even now, when trying to speak openly, it was difficult to be vulnerable.

He reached out his hand and pressed it gently to Aragorn’s cheek, caressing the skin once and twice with his thumb.

“I would not leave you so easily, it would hurt me too much to know you would be left alone.”

Aragorn reached up and placed his hand over Legolas’s against his cheek and squeezed it gently before pulling it away and letting their joined hands hang at their side.

“When you reach home we will say goodbye and set about living our separate lives and responsibilities for however many seasons it may be, but it will not be forever. A blink of an eye for an elf.”

“And not so long for a man either. I know your heart as well as you know mine. My loyalty to you will not waver with time.”

“As mine will stay strong for you too.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
